No, this isn’t Buzzfeed – apologies for the misleading clickbait headline. This is, however, a 102% accurate and to-be-taken-absolutely-seriously list of things most significant about Germany. Read this blog, get accustomed to the blog, BE the blog, and you’ll have a wonderful stay without any awkward misunderstandings or anyone on your heels. Prepare thyself, for it is about to get educational – here are the Top 5 signs that show you’re in Germany and not in the UK (or any other part of the world):
- You don’t always need an umbrella. Often, this big, yellow ball of fire (often referred to as the sun) will make a surprise appearance, and it’ll get really hot (if it’s summer, socks in sandals are compulsory; you don’t want your feet and ankles to get sunburnt, so don’t forget your lotion!).
- Beware the privilege of two-wheeled vehicles. You will get crushed (physically and mentally) if you dare stand on the bright pink side of the pavements; they’re for bikes and bikes ONLY. Someone actually even made the effort of painting little, white bikes on them, so you better appreciate this artistic attempt as they won’t appreciate your presence.
- Sometimes a strange, senior citizen will start talk-yelling at you; don’t be surprised, just smile and wave. Smile and wave and keep on walking. Most of the time, people just want to pick up a random conversation, but from time to time it’ll catch you off guard so prepare for that to occasionally happen to you.
- If someone accidentally runs into you, it’s probably your fault. Don’t expect a nicely mumbled ‘sorry’ – take up a stance and get ready to FIGHT. Not really, though. But here in Germany, the width of the generally accepted personal space is occasionally smaller than in some other places, so sometimes it happens that you run into other people and no one seems bothered by it.
- Bring your camouflage gear. If you’re with someone German and they meet someone they know, you often won’t be introduced to them; accept your fate and try to blend in with your surroundings.
But behold(!); it’s absolutely not as bad as I made it out to be, don’t worry. Toned down, however, some of these things actually do happen on a fairly frequent basis, but most of the time they’re quite funny. They most definitely make for some great anecdotes when you get back home to talk about the few strange creatures you’ve encountered on your journey. So, if you decided to travel the strange lands of this Schnitzel-shaped country, I promise you will gather even more lovely memories for yet another anecdote: from the mountainous, yodeling South, the colourful, bosky Middle, to the flat but rad Northern parts with their stormy seas and wide fields – it’ll be worth the sandal-shaped sunburn on your feet.